2009 Mirror and Smokes 9002

I have posted a vid which was called "Army Daze" and it was a 1996 production. I was only Secondary 1 then. How time flies. The setting, the SBS bus, the clothes...all so nostalgic. Eerily familiar and yet historical.

Looking at the full movie...thanks to whoever posted almost the whole movie on youtube, I cannot but feel a sense of "yesterday". Memories of my army life crept back in pieces. I remembered my BMT days, my unit days and my lull days. I was enlisted 04/04/02 on a thursday......and this is not a post on my days before days. This is a post on bonds and friendships.

Malcolm, the protagonist of the show, said towards the end of the show that the gang promised to meet up and organise gatherings but as time went on, and their shared experiences fast fading behind them, and each at their new units, he made a dramatic pause. I knew what he was saying.

Its kind of overwhelming at first. The sadness at how a group of people went from strangers to friends and to buddies. The army is a big cauldron where everyone from all walks of life (except the few privileged white horses) are thrown into the stew of NS. We all go through the same thing and the bonds forged are hence the strongest in the adversaries. But once, BMT ended, NS ended, we soon realise the bonds were not so strong after all. Yes. We will still meet up. We will still chat. But after sometime when we are no longer sharing the same adversaries, the bonds we forged, the cheers and tears, the sweat and nabehs, the luncheon meat and camo creams, all these became distant memories.

I think I already saw it in advance. I am not elevating myself to the status of saint or guru. I just saw it. To be truthful, I don't give in a great deal of myself. NS just gotten my body and not my soul. I was enthusiastic enough not be out-casted but I definitely was in. I kept to myself and hid my world from the rest. I knew whatever bonds formed then was means to an end. A forced circumstance whereby a group of random people would band together to fend off whatever adversaries that would come their way.

I wasn't being cold. I was only being myself.

It is this thing in me that I saw the world differently from other people. I saw the end too quickly to be enthusiastic about it. I saw death, to be really enthusiastic about life (yet my raison de'tre is always carpe diem..another story tho). Maybe its my general outlook in life that I gave up the details.

I have seen how people dealt with their little details that they got engrossed and addicted to the nitties-gritties. They fuss so much over a portion of their life which they saw as an end. To me, its just a snap-shot, a stop-over and a transit.

I feel that I already know what I want. And I really see it. I don't really care about the "nows". I don't really care about lunching with other colleagues, because one day we will part our ways and most probably after a few gatherings, we will only meet once in a blue moon. I don't really care about being nice or friendly to people. I have so much energy and time. I rather choose who I want to be friends with. People I can trust.

There are people who I can't trust. Not that they are the bad kind. But they are those who be friends with you to a certain level. I can theorise the hows and whys. Its a feeling. There are people whom I feel uncomfortable with, no matter how much they try.

After spending a hour looking at the youtubed "Army Daze", I can feel what Malcolm said towards the end of the show. Shared experiences are to be treasured. But as a modern man, we will have many shared experiences. Primary school, Secondary school, JC, Army, part-time work, project groups, University, hall mates, mahjong khakis, first job, second job, third job.

Looking back, I never really did give my all. Was I missing out on something? Was I being lofty and think that I am so high up there? After 16 years of a thinking person. Yea. I am not ashame and regretful of my choices.

I did make sure that I kept my friendship with a few groups of friends. They are the BEST.

Of bonds and friendships, how many of them are still very close to you?