2009 Mirror and Smokes 9002

After nearly 4 hours of flight from Singapore to Guangzhou Baiyun Airport, and 2 hours of waiting for transit and another 1 hour of flight from Guangzhou to Hunan, I reached Changsha. The first thing I noted was the freeze. It was really cold. Much colder than I expected. I was constantly breathing out smoke. It was fun, but at a price.

Xiao Xu fetched us from the airport and brought us to Gold Source Hotel (金源大酒店). The hotel is the second nicest one that I have stayed. The room is big enough for a couch and a coffee table AND a king-sized bed (well almost but definitely bigger than a queen-sized).

The dinner was as usual, full of people. The food is really spicy but its really good. i heart the soup too. Then the usual drinking. Can we drink Wang Lao Ji instead?

After the dinner, Xiao Xu brought us to Carrefour, where we stocked up on some necessities of life.....Cup noodles and other junkies.

By now the temperature is fast approaching zero and its raining. FYI, we had to walk in the awful razor cold wind, piercing rain and the zeroing temperature. It was more than cold. Luckily I brought my fats and some of the Singapore heat with me.

We settled down and went to fourth floor of the Hotel, in search of the Gym. There was a gym alright and it is appropriately equipped. There are also 2 billiard tables, 3 ping-pong tables AND around 7 lanes of bowling alley.

Every room is entitled to 2 free games. As such, the four of us played. In the end, the focus was not on the score but on how LOUD we can slam the bowling ball onto the alley lane. Cold sweat.....

Probably this is the only post on my Hunan trip because I can foresee the remaining days would be monotonously boring.

The heralding of the new year is just less than a month away. It would also mean a new decade, as we wearily waded away from the first decade of this millenium.

1 Jan 2010 will mean a new year and a new decade. As traditions would hold, we make resolutions, hoping that the air of freshness will lift our spirit and will and hence to accomplish what we set out to do. Yet many a time, it doesn't work out just like that. We missed our targets, frustrations set in and we pray that the next year quickly comes around, just so we can redeem ourselves from our guilt by making more resolutions.

I have a lot of resolutions. First of which is to overcome my laziness and my lack of concentration. Secondly, to better my relationships with my family and close friends and to form new frendships. Thirdly, to pass my CFA.

I could go on. But all these will then be meaningless except to assusage my guilt. I am scared of resolutions, or for that matter, making resolutions. I know I will disappoint myself.

Resolutions scare me......

I dread to pick up the task that I am embarking on. The thought of starting anything overwhelms me. I learnt that I have not accomplish anything for the past 26 years. I squandered the time away and life has a way to get back at me for the wastage.

I need to know the result or deliverables of the task that I am going to do.

I need to know what is required and how are requirements going to be achieved.

My mind seemed to be in a blank state whether I force myself to look at the tasks. I know I have a very bad concentration span and my mind will scream for pleasure whenever I am stuck in an unpleasant situation. It's too pain and frustrating for me to face down a task and to focus my energy.

I am have ONE option now.......

The whole family has shifted to a place at Outram. The first thought that screamed in my mind was.."Have I stepped into the 1970s?" It was a lone housing, built around the same time as those in Queenstown or Tao Payoh, which stood atop a small hill. It also meant that I had to climb up the hill after a long day at work.

I am back from a short trip from Xiamen and one of the highlights was the 10 books that I have bought. They cost about 50 sing dollar and that is about the cost of one book in Singapore. I am so inspired to write as I read through the books. Nothing beats having your thoughts articulated and transformed into words.

The one week I have spent serving the nation was not really wasted. I have found new perspectives through the exchange of experiences with my fellow buddies. It was a rather invigorating break from the normalcy of my working life. And the camp was as if another dimension where everyone became another person. Vulgarities, obscene jokes and pranks were just part and parcel of the "new" life in this dimension. I could never have imagined anyone of us doing what we have done in ORQ or at Orchard.

Been looking at my recent blog posts and realised how dull they are. They lack the prose and humor of my usual stuff and I am starting to think that it is the evil work of .... work itself. It seemed that my work has killed my sense of myself.

Apple has just announced a few updates to the iMac, macbook and mac mini lines. There is now something new in the iMac line and I salivates hungrily at the new 27 inch iMac. The display is very well-defined and sharp. And at 27 inch, it can be used as a decent display for movies and shows. But of course, using it wantonly to watch tv shows is a bit taxing on the useful life of the display.

It is very easy to imagine how one would handle challenges. To lie on the bed and dream about strategies to overcome the obstacles. To conjure sentences and words to deceive the rocks and boulders. But when it really happens, it is a totally different set of perception. The pain and lethargy is a totally different experience.

And I thought I wouldn't wake from it. The days dragged on bitterly as the changing tides and waxing and waning of the moon no longer affected me. Sun up, sun down is but a change of the colour of the sky. I lost count of the days and dates and my life was zombified.

The work was tough. The person-in-charge was even tougher. The case of the blind leading the blind. And into the abyss of pain we all jumped.

I need to constantly forget that the rules and norms of this society DO NOT bind me. What is considered the correct way to live should not dictate how I should go about handling my life. After all I have only one chance to do it. I am staring out into night outside of my room. It seems so quiet, so tranquil and so....nothingness.

There are two sides to everything. Either you capture the good side and ignore the bad side, or just wallop in despair and believe that there is nothing good. I need to remind myself constantly not to roll in the mud of depression and to carpe diem. There are things to be learnt even in the worst of time. It is through the darkest moments in the night, that the first ray of sunlight reverberates the most. It is through the toughest times that heroes are made. 故天降大任于斯人也.

After the long wait for the weekend, which I know is painfully short, my best buddies Sat and Sun are back for a visit. Met Derrick for a late lunch at Tempopo at Liang Court. The food was good and I enjoyed a drink called "Lychee Cooler". I even ordered a second glass. Zijun joined us much later after her work. Went to KTV at the party world. Zijun had a hard time coaching us singing. I think we need to find another teacher already. After the KTV, we headed to Illuma. It was my first time there and I think its a great place for guys to shop. We ate at Fish Manhattan.

On Sunday, met Derrick for Time Traveler's Wife. It was a good show. However it has the potential of being too bland and slow. But the redeeming point lie in the simplicity in how the show conveyed the love story between Henry and Clare. And after that we headed to Ion. Ate at a japanese restaurant, Itocho Sushi (B2-18). The sushi is very good. And we had sake too, hoping to catch a good night sleep. Love the intoxicating feeling after wine.

Here I am lying on my blog with a bloated tummy. I am sure it is not bloated because I had a heavy dinner, which, in fact, I had none. I had almost nothing except for a chinese pear from around 1pm onwards. I had this very nauseating feeling when I was on the cab. I can taste my vomit. I feel like sleeping.

I am currently listening to JJ and Charlene Choi's Little Dimples. Hoping that it will sooth my pain. Well, its not really painful per se, just feels that my body is collapsing upon itself and my brain is releasing many glasses of red/white/yellow wine into my bloodstream. I feel very weak. And for a better word..."nua". Oh man, I found the cantonese version on youtube...so good! JJ sounds funny in cantonese, but I applaud for his effort.

Ok...the bloatness is going away. But I still feel sleepy....

The traveling bug is biting me too badly. Currently, there are three destinations that I really want to visit. The first is up north at Nordic region. FY was suggesting that we have a trip there. Norway looks promising. An exotic place that I would want to visit for its cold, the cliffs, and the nordic sky.

I have wasted the whole monday away doing nothing. Nothing! What happened to all the determination and tenacity that I have lied to myself to get me moving? What happened to the burning desire? It seems that once that I am back in Singapore, all the lies become apparent. I felt betrayed by my ownself. There is nothing more hurting than to be deceived by yourself.

I can't trust myself anymore.

How can I get moving? How do I push myself. I really hope that a big brother can just slap me out of it. The darkening evening sky is giving way to the night. Just as my aspirations is dimming itself to the black lies. The question remains, how do I pull together to transform these lies into promises. Into a motivating force that will propel me to go forward.

Move. Damnit. Move.

The first stop was at Dongguan, where the HQ resides. It is a scaled down model of the modern day government with all its bureaucracy and civil servants. However, I saw the workings of management. How managing became important, especially, you have over hundreds of subsidiaries and sales offices all over China. And I have a different opinion of how Taiwanese works. It is of no wonder that I think Singapore lags badly behind in terms of doing business in China. There is simply too much to learn from them. Chinese and Taiwanese alike. I need to make a mental note. To work in Taiwan and China, and to learn the way of handling people and the art of conversation from them.

I spent around 6 days in HQ and I lost weight there. The lunch was simple. Really simple. Vegetables and small traces of meat. Dinner was better, much like home-cooked food. Breakfast was at the hotel. I have been eating salad for a few weeks. The reason is good. I felt lighter.

I headed to Hangzhou airport first. Things looked bad. I almost can't fly to Hangzhou Xiaoshan airport. My client bought the domestic tickets using my chinese name, which was not reflected in my passport. =_=|||. I had to show them my i/c, which they didn't acknowledge, but in the end, they just let me go. I was late for boarding but due to some weather reasons, the airplane din take off in time. And my luggage managed to catch up with me and got loaded into the airplane.

My client picked me up from the Hangzhou airport and headed to Jiaxing. Jiaxing was like other cities I went to. Communism has created a funny sight. Everything the same. The client was really nice. And I learnt something from the Sales Office Manager, Tian. He simplifies and summarizes ideas. He is sharp and to the point. Something that I sorely lacked. The accountant is really helpful and tried her best to assistant the audit work.

The next stop is Shanghai. And I dare say, it will become the New York of the East in another 10 years. The city is flowing with an energy that is culminating and its going to blow up soon. Here lies another issue. Can the political force match up to the burgeoning city energy? I would want to work in Shanghai! There is so much opportunity to learn and to see. Of course, at the point in time, I could not see where I would be in the next 5 years. But definitely somewhere else. London, New York, Sydney, Shanghai, Hong Kong.

I visited the city and I was impressed. Xin Tian Di was a place that I have only seen in New York. Singapore's clarke quay is only some much. Culture, checked. History, checked. Sky-scrapers, checked. Food, checked. Empty lands, checked. Everything a metropolis is, checked. Like a sapling ready to burst into a tree. Of course, there are other forces in place. Politics, people and policies. These are the key components that will continue to shape Shanghai.

After visiting the busiest city in China, I went over to the more scenic Hangzhou. It is easy to see why Jiangnan was frequently mentioned throughout the history. Poems, stories and even Emperors seemed to love the place. The Western Lake is mesmerizing. And there are the Yue Fei temple, the Broken Bridge where Madam White Snake met Xu Xian and where the Song poet Su Dongpo left his verses. The city looked relaxed and a sense of tranquility will cloak anyone who just stroll along the Western Lake. And the city also offered a great night life and shopping. I drool over the food especially the Tang Chu Pai Gu, Dongpo rou and the Xi Hu Fish.

On my last my two days, I checked myself into a hotel in the Hangzhou city. The hotel that my Client gave me was too out of the way and its really not as fantastic. On the day that I left, I took a 3 hour ride on the bus from Hangzhou to Shanghai. And spent my last few hours in China in Shanghai airport. Then I zipped back to Singapore at around midnight. It was a great 3 weeks!

What is it to hold on? So fearful of letting go. What is the fear? Is it the great unknown of which what will eventually happen should I just let go, without the comfort of the knowledge that the thing is still within my procession? Yes. As much as I like to say that I embrace changes, I don't. I take comfort in knowing that my life is a movie that keeps on playing. Verily it is not.

It seems like my study life is so far back and now I am slowly morphing into a working machine. And, of course, I am the luckier one. I have seen but I will never understand sufferings. My so-call Armageddons are nothing but pebbles in the life-path.

The things I so jealously guard and hold are just illusions of comfort. What does it take to become a Kenneth?

I have taken the first step.

My msn nick. Its changed from <> to <权>.

What's next?

The Longest Way 1.0 - one year walk/beard grow time lapse from Christoph Rehage on Vimeo.

To the tune of CS... he has just been confirmed as the most irritating guy that I have ever met for the current period. Luckily its only 5 more days. Let me see, Sunday night, Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night.. I am moving out by friday night.

He is so inconsiderate. First-class honours for him for this category of award. It is so exasperating that I have to bear his nonsense. I hope that he just disappears, well of course, that is not really possible considering that this is the real world. If its in a fantasy world or tv.......he would be long gone....

I hope his irritating face is rotting to the tune of the rubbish dump.

I hope someone will teach him a lesson that he will never forget. Oh come on, just get the hell out of here!

I can remember a similar style of ranting a couple of years ago when that CS pissed the hell out of me. This is the re-enactment of what happened a few years ago. This is plain bull-shit. And I hate his voice. My brain is now shunning his stupid voice. Nothing concrete will get into my head. Why am I stuck with this piece of shit?

I hope he will just vanish into the thin air. Like literally. And his things along with him please. I don't want to help him pack.

I was referring to the solar eclipse blog. It is the classic case of blogging for the sake of blogging. But I am happy with the fact that I have established a sort of base. I have a place for all my stuff....Soup. Was playing around with tumblr awhile ago but I find that it is painfully slow in retrieving my stuff...

So here I am... finally a dedicated place to put all my stuff and to share and remember my life on the virtual world.

Twitter tweets - my short messages to the world...be it ranting, complaining or just simply what am I doing.

Blogspot posts - A little more than twitters in relating some part of my life that I wish to just go on and on.

Flickr photos - Photolog of where I have been and been doing. Just need more refinement and it will be good.

Delicious links - What I am linking and have been reading.

The title says it all...

It is amazing how selfish one can be. Of course nothing can amaze me anymore. To me, its just a confirmation that people are motivated by their own self-interest. Which is fine. I can totally understand that.

I am not sure why I felt a sense of injustice or anguish. Maybe because I thought better. Or maybe I am just trying to con myself into thinking that this is a good world. I threw my body out to lead a soul-less life and to walk the lonely path of life. A part of me wished the good of people. Yet, the more dominating part refused to accept that humanity is by nature good.

Yes. We are all selfish.

There was an event earlier this morning that united a lot of people. Its the solar eclipse that moved from the central belt of China to India. There was an air of expectation in the morning as everyone await the natural phenomenon eagerly.

We went out into the roof and started to see the event unfolding at around 9.24am. I saw the sun being eclipsed by the moon and rendering the crescent sun shape. I have seen an eclipse when I was in secondary three. There was an astronomy camp held in NYP.

I want to catch the full eclipse the next time round....

In the late afternoon, I received a news from my colleague that someone died on the fifth floor. For a moment, I was in shock. Outside of family, this was how close Death was to me. I pondered the fragility of life and prayed for the deceased. Praying, not to assuage my guilt, but to hope that his/her family would not be devastated whether economically or emotionally by the passing.

I suddenly thought of my own mortality. I just feel tired having a constant nagging thought that I will dead next moment. I have always imagined my own death. Through old? That would be quite hard for me to bear because I am an impatient man. I hate the feeling of waiting. Through accident? There is always this "I still have so much to see and do".

With a heavy heart, I resumed to work, as it takes pain and worries away from me......

The days were slow and crawling back then. Just one week ago, I thought I would collapse. And now, I am here in Dongguan. Like they say, time is the best medicine for wounds. My recent trip to the abyss is a stark reminder that life is never easy. I used to think, for some people, they have their life planned out for them and all it takes is to walk it. Yet, I know this is no longer true, or rather was never true.

I believe they would have their fair share of angst and injustice. They have managed to pull themselves out and emerge stronger. Like Donald Trump. He has his ego and I believe he must feel hellish when he went into difficult times. However, I always believe that tough times and events make people stronger. I used to like pain and like to do endurance activities. Its not that I am a sadist, but rather I really appreciate the after-effect. During my army days, being on out-field training was terrible. No place to sleep properly, no place to bath, no place to have a decent shit, camo cream on your face for days and mosquitoes. But, I really enjoy the moment when we were back in the bunks. Cold water shower...arhhh. Clean clothes.....arhhh. Instant noodles with luncheon meat and hotdogs....arhhh. And of course, the bed.

I think for the past 4 years in university and at work, I seemed to be too comfortable. My level of endurance dropped to nothing. I give up easily and will find the easy way out. My brain is conditioned to feel "leisure", "comfort" and "relax". Whenever I am doing work, my brain would be swirling with images of me lying on my bed, surfing net, enjoying a late morning breeze. And indeed, I would just give up on my work (procastinate till further notice) and head back home or to simply shut my computer down.

I have lost my tenacity to do the things that I like. I don't dare to take up courses now because I already know that I will procastinate and fail the courses. My lack of discipline is so serious that I am actually glad that that has happened. Like the chinese saying, "当头棒喝", this is a tocsin that I would probably remember for quite sometime.

In times, I would probably go back to my old way. Yet, I hope the future Kenneth would take a look at this post again. Once is enough.

A lot has been through my mind these few weeks. The future. The what-ifs. The grimness of life in general. Its really wearing me out and I can no longer laugh at life. I think I need to move on, like I always do. Perhaps I can't be tied down and pretend that life is a continuous melodrama which I can control. The fact is, in spite of everything, the river of life is just carrying me on. I am breaking apart sooner than I expected. And every effort to conceal the cracks only exacerbate the crumbling my life.

I don't want to go to sleep now. I enjoy the tranquil night. The silence of a sleepy city. The occasion rumbling of the engines. The droning of my fan. Faint whispers of the wind. Darkness is a cooling tea to the throat of a thirsty city. The heat. The noise. The people. The dust. All these fade away to welcome the night.

As I stared out of the window. I wonder how many people are refusing to sleep. And yet, they are enslaved to the routine of waking up early for work. What do we want? What do I want?

Met up with my JC mates on friday night. It was a bigger group and some of them I have not seen in years. Lixia, Shuzhen, Apple, Yunita, Xinyi, Fiona, Melvin, Zhenshen, FY, CY, SB and KK....almost everyone was here... We had dinner at Dome, which by the way is located at the main entrance of Marina Square (I got lost looking for it). I had Cesar salad with salmon and ice latte.

I left earlier to catch Transformer 2. It was better than what my peers and brother told me. The plot although was a bit thin and predictable but I like how simple ideas like co-existence, friendship and faith was put across. Of course, the cool animations!

I cabbed back at around 2.30am and along the way I saw the massive queue at ComCentre. Its really mad and I think Singtel still has not learnt its lesson after almost a year. And to think that I am going for the crazy queue in less than 6 hours time.

In the end, I reached there at around 1pm and queued for 5 hours. The experience wasn't good but it was definitely better than the first time round. Finally, at around 6.30pm, I got my iPhone 3GS!!!!!

I must admit, the sense of exuberance is not there. With the similarity in model, and we got to experience OS 3.0 and a host of reviews and video presentations, the initial kick is not there as of the first iPhone I have gotten.

Well, to be fair, the new iPhone is great. I totally dig the video function and I think I will be using it most of the time.

Me and Derrick then rushed to the Indoor Stadium. The journey there was ferried by a clueless taxi driver who, in my opinion, is someone who does not have any opinions at all. He did not know what he was doing and at least we know our way around, what if his next customer does not know? Will he just sit in his seat and keep asking, "So how do you want to go? I don't really know the way there." He is totally hopeless....from Queenstown to Kallang. What supposed to be a linear drive from my place, to city, up Nicoll Highway and exit to Kallang stadium. He simply went up north to Toa Payoh, headed to Sims and into Kallang.....=_=

Ok enough of bad stories of horrid drivers.

Sun Yanzi's concert was really great. It was uplifting and I really like her voice. It was round and powerful. One thing that stood out was the stage and effects. There was a part where she was on top of a floating platform, sang and played the piano. And the most amazing part was the hologram! It was something that I have not seen before. The image looks like the real thing! She did 2 encores before the whole event ended.

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

I had a lot of fun Hong Konging with CY, FY and Yuhang. And there are some new friends that I have made over the course of the 5 days.

I have posted a vid which was called "Army Daze" and it was a 1996 production. I was only Secondary 1 then. How time flies. The setting, the SBS bus, the clothes...all so nostalgic. Eerily familiar and yet historical.

Looking at the full movie...thanks to whoever posted almost the whole movie on youtube, I cannot but feel a sense of "yesterday". Memories of my army life crept back in pieces. I remembered my BMT days, my unit days and my lull days. I was enlisted 04/04/02 on a thursday......and this is not a post on my days before days. This is a post on bonds and friendships.

Malcolm, the protagonist of the show, said towards the end of the show that the gang promised to meet up and organise gatherings but as time went on, and their shared experiences fast fading behind them, and each at their new units, he made a dramatic pause. I knew what he was saying.

Its kind of overwhelming at first. The sadness at how a group of people went from strangers to friends and to buddies. The army is a big cauldron where everyone from all walks of life (except the few privileged white horses) are thrown into the stew of NS. We all go through the same thing and the bonds forged are hence the strongest in the adversaries. But once, BMT ended, NS ended, we soon realise the bonds were not so strong after all. Yes. We will still meet up. We will still chat. But after sometime when we are no longer sharing the same adversaries, the bonds we forged, the cheers and tears, the sweat and nabehs, the luncheon meat and camo creams, all these became distant memories.

I think I already saw it in advance. I am not elevating myself to the status of saint or guru. I just saw it. To be truthful, I don't give in a great deal of myself. NS just gotten my body and not my soul. I was enthusiastic enough not be out-casted but I definitely was in. I kept to myself and hid my world from the rest. I knew whatever bonds formed then was means to an end. A forced circumstance whereby a group of random people would band together to fend off whatever adversaries that would come their way.

I wasn't being cold. I was only being myself.

It is this thing in me that I saw the world differently from other people. I saw the end too quickly to be enthusiastic about it. I saw death, to be really enthusiastic about life (yet my raison de'tre is always carpe diem..another story tho). Maybe its my general outlook in life that I gave up the details.

I have seen how people dealt with their little details that they got engrossed and addicted to the nitties-gritties. They fuss so much over a portion of their life which they saw as an end. To me, its just a snap-shot, a stop-over and a transit.

I feel that I already know what I want. And I really see it. I don't really care about the "nows". I don't really care about lunching with other colleagues, because one day we will part our ways and most probably after a few gatherings, we will only meet once in a blue moon. I don't really care about being nice or friendly to people. I have so much energy and time. I rather choose who I want to be friends with. People I can trust.

There are people who I can't trust. Not that they are the bad kind. But they are those who be friends with you to a certain level. I can theorise the hows and whys. Its a feeling. There are people whom I feel uncomfortable with, no matter how much they try.

After spending a hour looking at the youtubed "Army Daze", I can feel what Malcolm said towards the end of the show. Shared experiences are to be treasured. But as a modern man, we will have many shared experiences. Primary school, Secondary school, JC, Army, part-time work, project groups, University, hall mates, mahjong khakis, first job, second job, third job.

Looking back, I never really did give my all. Was I missing out on something? Was I being lofty and think that I am so high up there? After 16 years of a thinking person. Yea. I am not ashame and regretful of my choices.

I did make sure that I kept my friendship with a few groups of friends. They are the BEST.

Of bonds and friendships, how many of them are still very close to you?

This sounded like a desperate attempt to whine. No, it is not. Moreso it's a defined process of which I reiterate my utter disgust for the mindless travelling from home to work and vice versa, through words. Afterall they say the words are mightier than swords.

If there is one ritual that I detest so much, that would be the physical relocation of my body from my home to the workplace. I got to wake up early just to prepare to head off to work. Imagine that's like around 240 hours a year just doing nothing.

The era of physical irrelevantless is upon us. With the Internet and high speed communications, is of necessary to even go to work? I am guessing, with the increasing concern over the environmental issues, people will one day decided not to go to work. In this way we are saving on the detrimental effects of travelling ie pollution and oil usage.

Will this occur in my lifetime? Probably not. But I can still make the choice.......

Before I set off to this engagement (I shall call it the Tupperware engagement), my mind was screaming "Argggg this Tupperware is
going to leave a stain my career life~~though it's not as bad as GFS~~"

Two weeks to do fieldwork?!?! TOC and finals?!?! I dint know we booked 3 partners, 6 managers, 12 seniors and 24 assistants for this Tupperware. Of course I am blowing it out of proportion... I am so complaining right now that my sense of proportions and reasonableness ~~looks around for anal auditors~~ are skewed terribly to appeal to the irrational biasness of people. Make that 50 partners!

Irrationality aside, this Tupperware challenged me on many fronts. Firstly, I had to share a room with ES. Not eveningsong... But the senior on the job. I have to share 11 nights with an slightly friendish acquintant. I can't hide my distain for the awefully evolved human race from him. I'm a nutshell, a cliquey irresponsible way to absolve myself from explaining myself, I have to let him see me in my most ungraceful prose.

Secondly, the demand from Tupperware is not exactly Redway-ish. There are so many things to do and on top of that I have spend like 1.5 days on Redway. 12 days less 1.5 days less 1 day for confirmations less friday & monday. Oh and 1 day R&R @ dongmen. 6.5 effective working days. I am so amazed. To be fair, it's no-one's fault. It's how Tupperware decided to vent their frustration on us. Its all about $$$$. Fine. Character building......

One most important thing that I have gained from this trip is the bonds that the four of us have built and cemented. I got to know more things about them and to have lived with them especially ES. Remind me again why I love my current job. If only 鬼影, Um Um, Slutty Tiong and Ah Pui are not here.......I am so good at nicknaming people.......

There are many ugly truths. I witnessed one this morning. The flight to Xiamen was delayed from 9.05am to 12pm. This caused many hoo-haas among the people. They believed that by shouting and threatening they can get what they want. I am disgusted and at the same time, telling myself that this is the way of life here.

I believe that they are only wasting their time and the correct thing to do is to enquire for another way out.

Well, I am stuck at the airport for well over 5 hours.

Heading to Shenzhen in less than an hour's time. Currently eating at Wang's. Decided to forgo starbucks due to the queue.

Feeling a bit comprehensive. And tired. And aches.

Taking silkair again. As again it's an expensive budget airline.

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

Continuing from this post......

There come a point where doing work is progressively harder. There are expectations to meet and live up to. The constant stress forces me to rethink my life again. Here I am, whining constantly at how pathetic is my life instead of actively reinvigorating it.

If I was a third person, I would laugh at myself. I am given so much resources and yet I squander at of them away. I am lazy and ill-disciplined and I wonder how I made it here?

Perhaps there is something in me to push me, at which I took everything for granted.

Similarly, just I would lament how my youth was lost. I would do the same thing 5 years down the road. What ifs being my best buddy. I have learnt that we can't go back in time. And to carpe diem. What if I can't even seize my own sanity.

They say sloth is one of the seven sins. I now see how is it a sin. The sin of laziness and to waste what God has given us. Our stay on this earth is really short. Like a novel, which one day will be flipped to the last page.

I need to Regain control of myself. Until then all my words are just words.

I have jus purchased this app on the iTunes store to help me to just blog about anything. This should be more of a tweet or plurks but I jus wanna test the thing out!

I think once in a while, there will be some one bitten by the travel bug. For me, it is not only the travel bug but also the life bug. The urge and frustration to sort out the clouds in my life. I have been thinking, what is my life about? Death is there waiting. I don't know what is there beyond him and honestly I am scared. Yea.

And I having reading and watching shows on the end times. Lost book of Nostradamus, the galactic alignment in 2012, and the grim future ahead. Which brings me to another question, do modern humans have what it takes to survive a catastrophe and to rebuild the civilisation?

Throughout history, there were devastating events occurring and somehow humans managed to live on and recreate the civilization. Imagine, if the yellowstone super volcano blows tomorrow, the lives that we are so used to and taken for granted will forever be altered.

Yea.

The economy will surely break down. The society view of normalcy will break down.

I am getting so out of point. Can't concentrate on writing a post when the guild is wiping on Naxx. Brb in next post.

I had my IPPT at Maju camp this morning. I woke up at around 6.30 am and headed off to Maju drive. I am surprised that I feel excited and not negative about it. Maybe it is because deep inside me I thought that no-one would be sane enough to wake up so early to do IPPT and thus the duration would be relatively fast. My target time to be back at home was 9 am.

=_=

I was wrong. There was like almost one hundred of us there. And the medic and the safety rover was not there on time. Its a classic case of rush to wait and wait to rush.

I need to remind myself that I need to bring a 20cent coins for my iPhone (locker) and a watch in the future.

I failed the chin up...expected.

I came in at 10s for my shuttle run....not expected. I used to do under 9s.

I jumped a distance of 230 (forgotten the unit)... expected. I used to do 250 and above.

I did the bare minimum of 30 sits up.

I came in 14.46 mins for my 2.4 run. I need to shave 2.06 minutes off it.

....I know I will be lonely.

It is scary to see old Kenneth alone and wasting away in a corner. With his meagre savings, and some governmental assistance, he managed to book a place in the run-down geriatric centre. With no-one to care for himself, he lay there thinking back at the times he was haughty and young. An immature mind that only keen on exploring the world, living a life that he imagined and generally an aimless guy that threw his road-map away.

He lay there thinking of a million what-ifs. Yet, as life slowly left him, he was comforted that his funeral arrangements have been organised and prepared. Just like he would if he was still doing his audit work. Checklists, cross-referencing and tick-marks suddenly made no sense now.

He wondered, how good if there were someone with him now, by his bed. He wondered, how good if there were someone offering comforting words. Death is a scary notion of which no-one survived to tell the tale. Deep in his heart, he know that Death would mean an end. No more memory, no more living. He loved his life. And living. To be able to see and feel and walk around. Yes. The chapter is ending. And without anyone to see the last page and last words.

As I stared out of the window, I couldn't help but notice that the scene in front of me resembles the current state of my life. The future is there but its so fuzzy that it seems so surreal. I feel so weak in the face of the running days. Things are getting out of my control. It seems that I don't feel right.

I feel that I have so much to learn, so much to do and so much to achieve. Yet, I really have no idea what is going on. I have lost myself. I have thrown my road-map in exasperation and have decided to wonder around aimlessly.

Till another day, till another time.

As part of my therapy towards self discipline and focus, I have decided to force my brain and hands to work together to blog every other two days, ie, the next post should be on 6th Feb 2009.

It is kind of ironic that people should think of me as a very disciplined person with a strong sense of the future. If indeed, they should be referring to someone else. To my own chagrin, I lack self discipline. I have embarked on many personal projects, but many of them lay in ruins.

New year resolution rarely make that list of success which I have few. In retrospect, there are so many things that I did not follow through. I tend to let things ride along and adopt a day after day view of the affairs of the world.

I know in a really short time it will be 4 Feb 2010. But how much of self discipline will I have gained? Tell me again in a jiffy.

Heading off to Xiamen. Currently waiting at changi T2 gate E20. I have always felt that silkair is an overpriced budget airline. At least they could have some form of entertainment inboard. I LOVE SIA. It offers a kind of great service and ambience that makes flying a comfortable experience. Furthermore I get to fly from T3.....

I think there are a lot of weird people around me at the moment. There is this guy who kept asking when are we boarding. He just left his seat with his stuff and moved further towards the door. Ok ready for boarding Liao.

Went to this Jap restaurant atop Jurong Hill for dinner, in celebration of Desmond's 20th Birthday. His birthday is on 6th of Jan. Happy birthday bro. :D


HEHE but in the end, I had the most expensive dinner set. NZ Sirloin.

2009 was heralded in by throngs of despair investors, worried nations and jobless people. It was not all bad news, as a glimmer of hope lies ahead. The USA was given a new lease of life by the choice that the Americans have made. New lease of life? Perhaps, many would differ this opinion as the President-elect is someone who is not tested politically. All he has done was to give motivating speeches and a new hope to the many Americans.

But to think about it, what can go worse? After-all, the Bush administration has shown the Americans what can go wrong with the political system. I believe that the Obama administration lifted many moral stories from the Bush administration. Certainly, many of the Americans cling onto the aura of this in-coming administration. Yes. A new lease of life.

2009 will suffer the brunt of the mindless financial destruction. With it, demand worldwide will pause to reflect on its past gluttony. And thus, supply will be affected. And..... economics 101.

2010 will shine. Not shiny shine but definitely glossier than 2009. With the nations throwing money at the problem, and cutting interest rates with their eyes closed. By 2010, the world will be swimming in money. But money is after money. The value itself will be eroded and people will be thinking hey its my $1 really worthed $1?

Looking forward to Singapore's budget, come this Jan 22.

Happy 2009!