2009 Mirror and Smokes 9002

The days were slow and crawling back then. Just one week ago, I thought I would collapse. And now, I am here in Dongguan. Like they say, time is the best medicine for wounds. My recent trip to the abyss is a stark reminder that life is never easy. I used to think, for some people, they have their life planned out for them and all it takes is to walk it. Yet, I know this is no longer true, or rather was never true.

I believe they would have their fair share of angst and injustice. They have managed to pull themselves out and emerge stronger. Like Donald Trump. He has his ego and I believe he must feel hellish when he went into difficult times. However, I always believe that tough times and events make people stronger. I used to like pain and like to do endurance activities. Its not that I am a sadist, but rather I really appreciate the after-effect. During my army days, being on out-field training was terrible. No place to sleep properly, no place to bath, no place to have a decent shit, camo cream on your face for days and mosquitoes. But, I really enjoy the moment when we were back in the bunks. Cold water shower...arhhh. Clean clothes.....arhhh. Instant noodles with luncheon meat and hotdogs....arhhh. And of course, the bed.

I think for the past 4 years in university and at work, I seemed to be too comfortable. My level of endurance dropped to nothing. I give up easily and will find the easy way out. My brain is conditioned to feel "leisure", "comfort" and "relax". Whenever I am doing work, my brain would be swirling with images of me lying on my bed, surfing net, enjoying a late morning breeze. And indeed, I would just give up on my work (procastinate till further notice) and head back home or to simply shut my computer down.

I have lost my tenacity to do the things that I like. I don't dare to take up courses now because I already know that I will procastinate and fail the courses. My lack of discipline is so serious that I am actually glad that that has happened. Like the chinese saying, "当头棒喝", this is a tocsin that I would probably remember for quite sometime.

In times, I would probably go back to my old way. Yet, I hope the future Kenneth would take a look at this post again. Once is enough.