The first of the this show probably will be a good reflection of what I will be going through. This short film is very sweet in a way. How love shows itself in the strangest way.
Before I set off to this engagement (I shall call it the Tupperware engagement), my mind was screaming "Argggg this Tupperware is
going to leave a stain my career life~~though it's not as bad as GFS~~"
Two weeks to do fieldwork?!?! TOC and finals?!?! I dint know we booked 3 partners, 6 managers, 12 seniors and 24 assistants for this Tupperware. Of course I am blowing it out of proportion... I am so complaining right now that my sense of proportions and reasonableness ~~looks around for anal auditors~~ are skewed terribly to appeal to the irrational biasness of people. Make that 50 partners!
Irrationality aside, this Tupperware challenged me on many fronts. Firstly, I had to share a room with ES. Not eveningsong... But the senior on the job. I have to share 11 nights with an slightly friendish acquintant. I can't hide my distain for the awefully evolved human race from him. I'm a nutshell, a cliquey irresponsible way to absolve myself from explaining myself, I have to let him see me in my most ungraceful prose.
Secondly, the demand from Tupperware is not exactly Redway-ish. There are so many things to do and on top of that I have spend like 1.5 days on Redway. 12 days less 1.5 days less 1 day for confirmations less friday & monday. Oh and 1 day R&R @ dongmen. 6.5 effective working days. I am so amazed. To be fair, it's no-one's fault. It's how Tupperware decided to vent their frustration on us. Its all about $$$$. Fine. Character building......
One most important thing that I have gained from this trip is the bonds that the four of us have built and cemented. I got to know more things about them and to have lived with them especially ES. Remind me again why I love my current job. If only 鬼影, Um Um, Slutty Tiong and Ah Pui are not here.......I am so good at nicknaming people.......
There are many ugly truths. I witnessed one this morning. The flight to Xiamen was delayed from 9.05am to 12pm. This caused many hoo-haas among the people. They believed that by shouting and threatening they can get what they want. I am disgusted and at the same time, telling myself that this is the way of life here.
I believe that they are only wasting their time and the correct thing to do is to enquire for another way out.
Well, I am stuck at the airport for well over 5 hours.
Heading to Shenzhen in less than an hour's time. Currently eating at Wang's. Decided to forgo starbucks due to the queue.
Feeling a bit comprehensive. And tired. And aches.
Taking silkair again. As again it's an expensive budget airline.
Labels: kenActivities, kenPlaces, kenWork
Continuing from this post......
I just came back from a strange long trip that has invigorated my spirit. Having lost touch with myself today, I panicked. It was a depressing day as I saw the time just flow away, like how Kronus swallowed his children. The personification of Time was a grim reminder that he is limitless and yet limited. I always believed that Time is only a concept imprinted onto everything on this earth. Why? We are limited. We have a limited lifespan. There is only so much we can achieve. We are imprisoned by this constant notion of death. Time, hence, becomes a very important concept.
I hate the feeling of wasting Time.
I hate the myself for so wantonly and blatantly let Time pass.
I have a very weak control of myself. I let myself down many a times. The feeling of disappointing myself is far greater than anything. The nudging thought of "am I really good for this world?" "What have I achieved?"
Just this evening, I started walking away from my home and towards somewhere. This somewhere was an unknown to me and I really have no idea where was I heading. As I walked, I saw new things. Parts of Queenstown that lay eluded from the day-to-day life. I walked for a good 1.5 hours.
During this time, I was refreshed. I am a person that is easily bored. And I appreciate life and what it has to offer. I embraced new things readily and hungrily. This walk woke me once more.
There is so many things that I really want to do. For one, I want to learn photography. I want to capture and create images that touch people. That makes people see a different view. I want to have a book published. "Ken you see?" is the title. I want to take photographs of places no-one would even remember that exists in Singapore. Little obscure corners. Buildings that we have forgotten. Trees and railway tracks. Misty meadows. I want people to stop and for that short moment as they see the photographs, to have the same feeling as I did this evening. Wow, there are so much more things.......
Yes.
The life bug is biting me. I have come to a point where Time is a serious consideration. No longer can I say... "I have a few good years more to waste". That was 3 years ago.
What to do? Where to go? How to achieve? When to make all these happen?
Labels:
kenThoughts
There come a point where doing work is progressively harder. There are expectations to meet and live up to. The constant stress forces me to rethink my life again. Here I am, whining constantly at how pathetic is my life instead of actively reinvigorating it.
If I was a third person, I would laugh at myself. I am given so much resources and yet I squander at of them away. I am lazy and ill-disciplined and I wonder how I made it here?
Perhaps there is something in me to push me, at which I took everything for granted.
Similarly, just I would lament how my youth was lost. I would do the same thing 5 years down the road. What ifs being my best buddy. I have learnt that we can't go back in time. And to carpe diem. What if I can't even seize my own sanity.
They say sloth is one of the seven sins. I now see how is it a sin. The sin of laziness and to waste what God has given us. Our stay on this earth is really short. Like a novel, which one day will be flipped to the last page.
I need to Regain control of myself. Until then all my words are just words.
Labels: kenThoughts
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